My toddler won't stay in bed: what works?
A toddler who keeps getting out of bed is testing where the edge is, and the edge has to be the same every night. The approaches below are what sleep consultants and the NHS suggest. A sleep clock does not replace them; it gives your child a picture of the rule.
Why they get up
They can. A toddler in a bed, rather than a cot, finds out that the door is open and that getting up gets a reaction. Add a late nap, an exciting day, a new sibling, a fear of the dark, or simply not being tired yet, and up they come.
What works for most families
- The same routine, the same order. Bath, teeth, pyjamas, a book, into bed, lights low. The NHS: “Make sure you are consistent with bedtimes and naptime.” Source: Sleep routines for toddlers and children, Cambridgeshire and Peterborough NHS (https://cambspborochildrenshealth.nhs.uk/sleep/healthy-sleep-routines/sleep-routines-for-toddlers-and-children/).
- Silent return. Walk them back, no talking, no eye contact, every time. The first nights are long. Keep count if it helps you; it gets shorter.
- A bedtime pass. One card they can “spend” on one trip out of bed, a drink or a cuddle. When it is spent, it is spent.
- Gradual retreat. Sit by the bed, then by the door, then outside it, over a week or two.
- A picture of the rule. This is the sleep clock’s job. When the stars are out, it is sleep time; when the sun is up, it is morning. SlumberPal shows the pal asleep under six stars, and a toddler who sees their pal asleep on the screen has a reason to stay that is not about you.
- Never lock the door. Consultants and the NHS agree. A gate at the door, if you need one, keeps the door open.
The quiet-play window
Some children are awake before the sun and will not go back to sleep. Agree what they may do in bed until the sun comes up: a book, a soft toy. With SlumberPal the stars go out one by one through the night, so a child who wakes at six with one star left can see that morning is close, and that there is something to wait for: when the sun comes up, a present appears with a toy for their shelf.
What SlumberPal does not do
It does not keep a child in bed, and it does not claim to. The screen does nothing when tapped at night except ask for the grown-up PIN. What it does is show the same rule every night, and let you change the times from your phone.
Questions
Should I use a sleep clock before they move to a bed?
You can. The stars and the sun work in a cot too, and the rule is familiar when the bed comes.
What if they get up to look at the screen?
Nothing happens. The night scene is dark and still, and a tap reaches nothing but the padlock. Put the tablet across the room, out of reach.
How long does silent return take to work?
Most families see fewer trips within a week or two if every grown-up does the same thing. We cannot promise a number.
Can every grown-up see the screen?
With Plus, every grown-up’s phone shows what the screen is showing and can start the morning, so the rule is the same whoever is on duty.
What about naps?
Each nap has its own stars and its own wake, so the rule is the same in the day.